today, i realized a major hole in my life. that, i have forgotten how good it feels to be so attached to someone. how to love back without getting hurt. how to be a small girl. how good it feels when someone gets so attached to you even so if in the long run, it is temporary. as if, those traits were totally squeezed out of my brain.

i use to be the kind of person who would run around you like a small child, giggling, hugging you randomly from behind and the kind that would give you a face when you don't kiss her on her forehead or when you don't give her, her piggyback ride.

it struck me when one of my girlfriends kissed me on the cheek during my shifts and i felt nothing. totally nothing. no love. no lust. no care. nothing.

i don't have a broken heart. its only enough that i have a major hole in my body only with the heart no where to be seen. hidden, god knows where.

i'm selling everything in me to fate right now.

as for now, all i know is, marriage is totally out of the question even as much as i want to. and my deepest fear is love. at least death stands a better chance with me rather than love.

korea, here i come. driving license, let me do you, please. mass comm, i want to fucking change the world into a better place.

did you see where my heart went, sir?