my heart hasn't been at ease these past few days. i do not know whether it is because of this KL trip(in that case, wish me a good trip. i will need it.) or something bad or good will happen. this feeling has been choking the sanity out of me and has been depriving me from sleepless weeks.

the visions that i have been getting, is not pretty. there is only one word that keeps on blinking in my already twisted head like a subliminal message. afraid that it would be true, i chose self-denial against it.

might as well, let things just run.

i think i just need to take extra precaution.

i have not been the best of me these few months. a turbulence of depression hit me into unconsciousness and like a patient who suffers from Amnesia; needs visual evidence to slowly remember the things that was once meaningful in my life.

i am miserable. not because of love. not because of my family. not because of my hallucinations. but because of how unhappy i am, with having everything that a normal human being would only dream of. security, i'm not rich but at least i am well-fed, a great boyfriend and a great family.

something is wrong.

i think i fell in love with a dream. i fell too deep to the point of even a friendship is enough. talking about obsession. no, no stalking of course. its as simple as i just feel the desperate urge to pour my heart out to him.



before, i break my younger brother's keyboard out of unfathomable frustration, i shall end this disturbing entry here.

till, i see you again. with loads of pictures, this time! =)

PS: Singapore is a terrible reality to come back to. urgh.