parched ;

i am not in my happy place which i thought i was.

i am much more twisted than i think i am.

other than being slightly upset over robert pattinson chopping off those precious, precious locks and all of us turning yet another year older, thanks to the flip of the calendar to a new year(yes,if you have been following my blog, i'm always a "belated" case on any occasions or festive seasons.still, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE.MAY NOTHING BUT HAPPINESS AND GOOD HEALTH SURROUNDS YOU); little, has it affected my life.

still vivid, a painted picture in my head. i sit on an old park bench, very still, as my eyes just roam around without a purpose. smiling at times, at the sights of couples or paternal love. laughing at times, through the sheer flaws of human beings, too engrossed with any elements of gadgets or vanity and tripping over something, unecessarily. my expression unreadable at times,as i close my eyes or stare peacefully into space, intertwining myself with certain entities that is beyond descriptions of words or nature which would the make the smaller things in life, sounds clearer and looks bigger than it seems. and as soon as i open my eyes, unquestionable tears begins streaming angrily against my peach, blushed cheeks. as if my heart was being skewered--wanting a bigger hole for an unknown reason-- by a Voldemort-like villain, which is always a vague figure to me. a place where, how,what and why doesn't apply.

that's exactly how i feel.

maybe,its about time, i get up on my butt and embrace the temporary-ness of whatever i am having right now let it just..flow.

either make the best of it or look at it, straight.

then again, i keep thinking. what's there left?

going to school?i am positive i'll be motivated enough by the passion to do that.take up dance classes?of course, i'm missing it more than ever every minute.get a driving license?bloody soon, i hope,because cab drivers can be such a pain the ass at times, when they charged you higher via taking the longer route.move out?yes please. i love my parents, but i need to stand my ground.

seems like i have a truckload on my list. but they're all mere possibilities.

this is the time where i wish i could live in the deceased ancient times, where decisions and intuitions are all associated with god.

help me, get a distraction.

a new year and i'm already so negative.

at times, i want would just want to strangle my own self.

urgh.