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typewriters&nicotine.
December 18, 2008

temptations = temporary ;



now, isn't this an ideal off day?me, listening to this soothing piano number which is intially confused for the original Bella's lullaby in Twilight (they should have used this anyways, the one in the movie, sucked). me, smoking and drinking plain water,often sucking off the sweet bits off 1 whole block of coconut sugar(gula melaka) and actually finishing it.i'm beginning to like Yiruma a whole lot, prior to this humble coincidence of soundtrack confusion.

i love gula melaka too.

i swear to god my dreams are taunting me, literally. as if, a huge, cold looking demon in a robe with a chainsaw in his hand, holding on to a pair of Manolo Blahnik on the other and waving it in front of a materialistic beauty who desperately needs a pair of shoes for her next private exclusive party. even with the awful fear that she's faced with, she still wants the manolo blahnik when she shouldn't even feel more than she should about the pair of shoes rather than her precious life.

i feel like running away to London, Barnes or Los Angeles. to track him down. to get a glimpse of him and just to be friends. maybe have a cup of coffee or 2?share opinions on the hottest thread in London?with all that, i would want nothing else(oh hey, what do you know?i am sounding like a stalker.haha..what the fuck, i bet like a gazillion dozen of other girls are feeling the same way that i am.not surprised to know that some of them may not even be able to comprehend English).

seriously, his acting doesn't really like fancy, fancy me in Twilight. maybe he'd do better in theater(and with that, i am not a single bit saying that he is the least, a bad actor), i surely wouldn't know. just the urge to get to know him as a person is what's burning like a coal within me(okay,maybe the plus point is that he is a Taurus man,shut up shut up.)

really, you know.i feel like doing that just, now. but at the back of my head, a couple of stuff that will last forever in my reality(unconditional love, marriage and kids) will go away in an instance if i was to dissapear for nothing permanent on the other side of the world. at the same time, thinking, possibillities do happen. a handful of celebrities do get married to their fans. =)

HAHAHA.

okay, just let me get away with that just for a bit, kay? =)

dear god, i am crazy.

i think that is 1 way, how the word "chance" is being derived from. but in that manner, it means its either you lose everything to the point of no point for life or gain something substanstially more enormous than the verbal word, happiness?

pfft.

what more, with this unknown miserable, lonely fit that i'm suffering from, blabbering my uber saturated fantasies doesn't hurt at all. work started it and love just refuses to defuse it. instead, immune.

the imbalance of love being reciprocated is taking a toll on me. i feel like i can never ever add up to even half the fraction that he has done. talking about feeling inadequate.

being immersed deep into the twilight saga, a general question came to mind. have you ever wondered that in our Malay culture or maybe possibly, in others too, that most ghosts/demons/ghosts/bloodsuckers (haha,bloodsucker.all you "twilight"/rob pattinson fans are like grinning smug at the mention of that word) are always women?

maybe that's what god means when he states that, women are the root of all evil?possibly because women's outrage of revenge is flooding over their already secluded hearts?if so,well men are not as forgiving themselves.logical...yes,very.but forgiving?few.

here comes all the messy complications in my head. question marks, questions marks, question marks.

or MAYBE, i just like the idea of men being seductive, good-looking monsters? =). now the reason is crystal clear, why i have always had the obsession over vampires.

on a lighter note, would love to share this quote with you..

"Childhood is not from birth to a certain age and at a certain age. The child is grown, and puts away childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies. "
- Edna St. Vincent Millay

goodday.