i am not my dad's little girl, i feel pretty much like his eldest son. i am definitely not my grandfather's little girl, because we were never close. not a candy nor a trick, just to hug me. i stand as a daughter, sister and girlfriend. saddest thing is, i will never be a man's little girl. because by then, i'll stand as a wife, mother and teacher. was i ever someone's girl?

love and play with me more, my saviour. you're my only chance from tears streaming down my face this very minute and in the future. i love you dearly.

i am forever battling with this issue. i didn't have a bad childhood. i had a great but plain and discreet one. i guess aging and responsibilities are wearing my emotions out. in the midst of being nice and pleasing everyone, i seek to be pure loved and appreciated. a pat, hug, kiss, praise or teasing of the good things i have done, IS necessary not only to me, but everyone. i have yet to accept the fact that, i am a full grown woman and not a frisky girl anymore.

and, lets have a change of topic.i wouldnt want my blog entry to sound like im mourning.

i am rocking to The Script more than often nowadays. no no,don't get me wrong.i am not over Maroon 5, i'm just shoving them aside first until they find their old,playful and humble self again. =). humble rockstars who doesn't take themselves too seriously, wins my heart every time.

anyhoos.

i was practically slapped out of my embarrassing and nonchalant ways of, rolling my eyes at the sight of annoying transvestites. i do not regret doing that. i am fine with them. just that, at some point of times, they seek for attention in the oh most subtle ways.

touching on this issue, i have lots of trans genders friends. so mind you, before you trash talk me. being broke and stranded at home, alone, i was forced to switch channels on my cable tv. that is until, i came across a movie, titled , A Girl Like Me: The Gwen Araujo Story. its a sympathizing story and an eye-opener number.well,of course..other than showing the horrid, proud goddamn egos of being a boy(not men,if they already were , they couldn't even care less). for me personally, its true when they say, these brave people who are living life like this, out of the norm; lives life more than any of us. they still chose to live up to their beliefs and no one else even though society excruciates them with looks and words of disgust and much disrespect.

in the movie, this character named Gwen, was born as a boy. but as he grew up, he discovers that he started to like what he sees in the mirror, when he puts on a dress. as days went by, his whole family found out. they intervened and heartaches followed for sure. but slowly, they accepted who he is and supported him in the name of love. his dear, younger brother even saved up enough money to get him "chicken fillings".

being boys, anybody who possess resemblance of femininity in themselves are considered an utter shame. in other words, fags, sissy and gay. i am not surprised that it is still happening until now. thank god for 1 thing, that individuals perspective in this 20th century are much liberalized. moving on, out of curiosity,there's these 3 idiotic morons, whom decided to hold Gwen up in a room and tried to rape her, when their intial move was to expose her privates, ( i was cursing my ass off while i watched this happened. thank god, i already broke my fast) then, they brutally beat her up until her blood count was none. i wish i could cut those stupid fucks dicks off.

question is, should we blame society about this?for me, yes. yes because,we humans, panic at the idea of something out of our norm. now prior to this, its either we, 1) inspire to make a difference and act, be it strongly or subtly or, 2) ignore.i just think when it comes to these kind of things,its always individuals rights. we whom, disagree shall do it discreetly unless it causes us harm. its up to individuals on how they choose to live their lives. they may just have more balls than all of us, who may be living in denial based on so many issues like work,marriage,love and money (shame on us, yay!).

sigh.

lets end my long-entry-after-so-long on a lighter note ya. update on my new listings of new preferred hotties. finally!1 Indonesian dude that caught my eye(bf's Maya Karin?oh, you better be worried now).


Clockwise :
1) Danny O' Donoghue - The Script's lead
2) Winky Wiryawan - DJ/Indonesian actor
3) M Shadows - Avenged Sevenfold lead
4) Lee Pace - Actor

strong eyes and gorgeous smiles with a pinch of a quirky attitude is my perfect cup of tea.

much love,
your emotionally drained frisky girl,
Shyda.